Eric Weber "Picking Up Girls Made Easy" (Symphony Press, 1975)
Records advertised in the pages of comics and magazines really seemed to be endowed with magical powers to me when I was young; order these things and you could learn hypnosis, master kung-fu, or conjure up a haunted house simply by dropping the needle down. Why the hell weren't these records sold in stores? Well for me one of the most provocative mail-order record ads ads ran regularly in the National Lampoons I had scored from my older brother, and it promised a lot:
Click to Expand.
Narrated by 1970's Pick-Up guru Eric Weber and based on his "best selling" books, I suppose I assumed that this record was going to be my secret weapon when it came to approaching my 5th grade classmates on the playground at recess. Just wait 'til I threw down one of those "attention-getting opening lines" -- how could I fail? I just had to figure out how to get the record into my hands without anyone else knowing. Well it took a few more years to accomplish that goal than I'd counted on, but hopefully my patience can translate to your gain. A mere 31 years after it was pressed I'm giving you the complete 40 minute album broken down into 8 handy scenes; from the library to the ballet you're really going to score now. Hey, I even included a copy of the full page ad as well as the front and back LP cover scans in the zip file. That's how badly I want you to succeed.
From the liners:
PICKING UP GIRLS MADE EASY will teach you a whole new system for picking up girls -- a system that is so complete and so absolutely foolproof you'll soon be picking up girls automaticallly!!! Absolutely everything is spelled out for you... Picking up girls can be as easy as opening a beer! And the more you listen to the album, the better you'll get. It's INCREDIBLE!"
And by the way, Mr Weber is still in print.